What to Say to Kids When the President is a Bully

A couple of months ago, I was working with 400 sixth graders—almost all Latino kids. I opened with a cute ice-breaker that asks groups of 20 kids to come up with something they all have in common. Generally, kids yell “we all like pizza,” or “we all have a dog.” This time was different. Almost all of them said, “Donald Trump is scary.” Many were afraid he would make their “parents go away”, or send them back to the “countries they came from.” Some said “he’s mean and a bully.” When our kids are worried and afraid it’s not enough to tell your kids, “There’s nothing to worry about.” What can we do to help them feel safe? Here are some suggestions for talking to your kids about our new President. First, a definition of bullying:

We call behavior bullying if:

1. It’s ongoing: Trump regularly uses Twitter to berate and denigrate people with whom he disagrees. It started on the day he announced his candidacy and continues today.

2. It’s unwanted: I think it’s safe to assume, none of the people Trump has targeted wanted to be attacked by the leader of the free world.

3. There is a power differential between the bully and the target. It would be hard to argue any of Trump’s targets has more power than the President.

Here are some suggestions for how you can talk to your kids about the President’s bullying.

1. Acknowledge the bullying is happening.
a. If you don’t acknowledge it, you will stop your kids discussing their concerns.

2. Take a firm stand against bullying.
a. Tell them, “bullying is not ok regardless of who is doing the bullying.”
b. Bullying is hurtful, mean, and violent.
c. “It isn’t ok for the President to bully people. And, it isn’t ok for anyone to bully you.”

3. If you were bullied, talk to your kids about your own experience, and how you felt.

4. Ask your kids how they would react if someone bullied them. This a great opportunity to engage them in role playing. Young kids don’t have the skills to deal with a bully. Role playing, with you, let’s them think through and talk to you about how they might react. They could practice saying:
a. “That’s not ok. Why are you bullying me?” Bullies aren’t used to being confronted. They should only do this when they feel    safe.
b. Tell the bully, “What you’re doing is wrong.” Talk to them about potential allies.
c. Try to get your child and a group of her/his friends to confront the bully.
d. Urge your children to talk to a trusted adult on campus. It doesn’t have to be their teacher, it can anyone they like and respect.

It’s also not a bad time for a quick civics lesson. Tell them, “We have free speech in America and people can say mean things. That doesn’t make it ok, it’s much better to treat people nicely. Mean speech can be countered by kind, respectful speech.”