What to Say to Kids When the President is a Bully

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A couple of months ago, I was working with 400 sixth graders—almost all Latino kids. I opened with a cute ice-breaker that asks groups of 20 kids to come up with something they all have in common. Generally, kids yell “we all like pizza,” or “we all have a dog.” This time was different. Almost all of them said, “Donald Trump is scary.” Many were afraid he would make their “parents go away”, or send them back to the “countries they came from.” Some said “he’s mean and a bully.” When our kids are worried and afraid it’s not enough to tell your kids, “There’s nothing to worry about.” What can we do to help them feel safe? Here are some suggestions for talking to your kids about our new President. First, a definition of bullying:

We call behavior bullying if:

1. It’s ongoing: Trump regularly uses Twitter to berate and denigrate people with whom he disagrees. It started on the day he announced his candidacy and continues today.

2. It’s unwanted: I think it’s safe to assume, none of the people Trump has targeted wanted to be attacked by the leader of the free world.

3. There is a power differential between the bully and the target. It would be hard to argue any of Trump’s targets has more power than the President.

Here are some suggestions for how you can talk to your kids about the President’s bullying.

1. Acknowledge the bullying is happening.
a. If you don’t acknowledge it, you will stop your kids discussing their concerns.

2. Take a firm stand against bullying.
a. Tell them, “bullying is not ok regardless of who is doing the bullying.”
b. Bullying is hurtful, mean, and violent.
c. “It isn’t ok for the President to bully people. And, it isn’t ok for anyone to bully you.”

3. If you were bullied, talk to your kids about your own experience, and how you felt.

4. Ask your kids how they would react if someone bullied them. This a great opportunity to engage them in role playing. Young kids don’t have the skills to deal with a bully. Role playing, with you, let’s them think through and talk to you about how they might react. They could practice saying:
a. “That’s not ok. Why are you bullying me?” Bullies aren’t used to being confronted. They should only do this when they feel    safe.
b. Tell the bully, “What you’re doing is wrong.” Talk to them about potential allies.
c. Try to get your child and a group of her/his friends to confront the bully.
d. Urge your children to talk to a trusted adult on campus. It doesn’t have to be their teacher, it can anyone they like and respect.

It’s also not a bad time for a quick civics lesson. Tell them, “We have free speech in America and people can say mean things. That doesn’t make it ok, it’s much better to treat people nicely. Mean speech can be countered by kind, respectful speech.”

What is Cultural Competency

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First things first: Lets start off with a definition of culture: Culture is a set of structures and institutions, values, and traditions transmitted across generations in a certain time and place. So, what’s integral to American cultural? Some might say: A belief in basic equality and justice. Others might suggest the idea of Rugged Individualism. What about, “It’s as American as baseball and apple-pie?”

But America is changing, and more traditional cultural expressions are starting to seem quaint, at best, and prejudiced at worst. As demographics change, so too does culture. Take food for example; food is one of the strongest cultural expressions. The change in food in America signals a larger, more powerful shift toward diversity. Within three blocks of my house, I can get great Peruvian, Mexican, Chinese, Italian, and Thai food. If I prefer, I have a diner close by where I can get “traditional” American food. In the UK, where I grew up, Fish and Chips were the ultimate manifestation of English culture (followed by the Queen maybe). A couple of years ago, fish and chips were knocked off their perch by Chicken Masala. Traditionally Indian food is now the most popular food in England (which validates my belief that the British Empire spread so far because they were looking for a good meal).

So, cultural competency is understanding cultures, and being able to serve clients and customers from many cultures. If you are going to really serve a cultural group with any degree of competence, you have to understand the culture. Here’s an example: Over the past couple of years, a small population of Travelers/Roma people have moved into a town near me. A couple of social service groups have tried to provide services to the group, and were rebuffed every time. A women’s group failed. An after school group for kids failed. Why? Because the agencies didn’t know Traveler communities are incredibly patriarchal and clannish. Women are expected to work all day keeping the house clean. The after-school group didn’t work because Traveler communities don’t value education—not a judgment, a fact. Most girls leave school at 14 or 15 to help keep house, and most are married by the time they are 16. At 15 or 16, young men are expected to join their dads doing manual labor or other blue collar trades.

It’s easy for a group of college educated social workers to undervalue a rigid patriarchal culture that places little to no value on education and expects girls to be married by 16; but if you don’t understand cultural manifestations you’ll never be successful in providing services. You can’t change the culture of your clients or customers, you have to adapt your services to the cultures you serve.

For those of you who are thinking, “that’s easy for him to say, but we serve hundreds of cultural groups”—no you don’t. Or at least a large majority of you don’t. Most agencies serve 3-4 cultural groups, some less. Hospitals and colleges really do deal with almost every cultural group.

So, how can you become culturally competent? Read the other blogs in this series!

Why is Cultural Competency Important?

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This is the tale of two seats of twins: One set, Abe and Hamadi were born in Sierra Leone, Northwest Africa. The other set Ryan and Kevin were born in Brighton, England. Abe and Ryan are both the first born of their twin sets. Both sets of twins are just as cute as can be. If both sets of boys were born in America, we’d apply US cultural customs; Abe and Ryan would be considered the older brother or first born in his set. Technically, they would enjoy the rights of inheritance of the first born. Nice right? Ryan pops out four minutes earlier than the much cuter Kevin, and he gets all the loot.

If you made the same assumptions with Abe and Hamadi, you’d be making a terrible mistake based on your lack of cultural awareness. In northwest Africa, all of the rights accorded to the first born in western cultures are accorded to the second born. The second born twin is considered the most important and the smartest. The second born allows the first born to check out the environment and make sure everything is safe for him/her to emerge. Because of this the second born is assumed to be more intelligent and thoughtful. And they certainly don’t have to spend their whole lives listening to their “big” brother demand special treatment—nope, not bitter.

So, an interesting example to make a point. If you don’t know the cultural indicators in the population(s) you serve, you may alienate your clients. You may not approve of cultures where women are subservient, but if you don’t understand the family dynamics and traditions of the culture, or impose western idea of equality, you can make your point but risk that the woman won’t be allowed to receive services. This isn’t about imposing your cultural standards, its about respecting the culture of others and providing services accordingly.

If you work with Asian cultures (I understand this is a huge generalization as the sub-cultural diversity is massive) there are some important cultural markers you have to understand.  Many Asian cultures place a high importance on the collective.  In America, its all about rugged individualism.  In Asian communities, the family and extended family plays a much more significant role, and loyalty to one’s family is expected.  Not losing face can be considered more important than seeking proper care.  Some Asian sub-cultures are very stoic in the face of pain and discomfort.  Doctors and healthcare providers have to know this to provide appropriate care.  Asian communication is highly context driven: voice intonation, facial expression and body language can be more important than what is said.  Americans are low context communicators: we’re direct in a way that can be offensive to some cultures.  To provide great service in these communities you have to know these cultural markers.

Cultural Competency is vitally important; it helps you provide better, more sensitive service, that is respectful of cultural differences.  In turn, you serve your clients much more effectively.  And, at the end of the day, isn’t that what our work is all about?

Is Your Agency Culturally Competent

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This is the first blog in a 3-part series examining Cultural Competency. We’ll explore: What is Cultural Competency? Why is Cultural Competency important? What does Cultural Competency look like in schools and agencies serving multi-cultural communities?

First, a simple definition: The word culture implies shared patterns of behavior, traditions, customs, beliefs, and values. The word competence is used because it suggests the capacity to function effectively.

The truth is, while culture competency, along with cultural tolerance, cultural destruction, and the more recent cultural proficiency all sound somewhat academic, in practice, they are much simpler to understand.

• Cultural destruction: We have so little regard for your culture we will destroy it—you know, most of European history. Slave traders and owners. The entirety of U.S. policy toward Native Americans. The Nazis. Bad people.

• Cultural blindness—We think everyone is the same, so culture is irrelevant. Generally, well meaning in theory, but in practice it can take you down the road to a softer form of cultural destruction. It’s usually perpetuated by liberals of the “I’m colorblind, I don’t see difference” school of thought. Let’s be honest, if you say you can’t see race, or ethnicity or culture, your either, literally, blind, or you’re lying. Again, this often comes from a well meaning place by people who want to emphasize their own lack of prejudice. (this is a blog topic of its own).

• Cultural competence–A set of shared behaviors, attitudes, and policies that come together in a system, agency or among professionals that enables the system, agency or professionals to work effectively in cross-cultural situations. Or–When we design services we set up our agency in such a way that respects, understands and takes into account the culture of the people we serve.

At this point, someone, somewhere who is reading this is thinking, “we serve too many different cultures to understand and serve all of them.” No you don’t. There are very few agencies that serve more than two or three primary cultural groups. Even DMVs and local post offices serve their immediate communities. The DMV near me serves, whites, Latinos, Cambodians and a small Tongan community. Remember, many communities are served by culture specific agencies.

So, how do you become more culturally competent without learning everything about every culture on the planet?

• The easiest and most accessible way is to hire people who represent the cultures you serve. If that’s not possible?  Try harder.  If its still not possible…
• Subject Area Experts—Create SAEs who know and understand one of your client cultures. Let’s assume your agency serves 3-4 primary cultural groups. Assign one or two staff to become knowledgeable about one of the cultures. These staff should be knowledgable enough to answer colleagues’ questions and understand how your services can be constructed to serve these cultures.

As I said, it’s really not that difficult. It takes some time, some resources, and some caring.

Just the Facts Ma’am

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Advocacy—Just the Facts Ma’am

So, we’ve already talked about the reluctance of a lot of non-profits to engage in advocacy and lobbying. A lot of this reluctance has to do with fear; boards and non-profit staff are afraid they’re going to lose their non-profit status if they engage in lobbying and advocacy. You’ll be fine If you follow the IRS 501c3 requirements.

As we’ve talked about before, there are no limits on advocacy. The one way to get in trouble is engaging in too much lobbying. Remember, not all advocacy is lobbying but all lobbying is advocacy. If you follow the rules below, you’ll do just fine.

Grassroots lobbying – “any attempt to influence any legislation through an attempt to affect the opinions of the general public or any segment thereof (IRS Code 501c3).” Exciting isn’t it? This form of lobbying sees agencies asking their supporters to lobby for a piece of legislation. For example, an agency that offers after school programming might send out an email asking supporters to urge their legislators or other government officials to support a budget increase for after school programming.

The financial limit on Grassroots (indirect) lobbying allows an agency to spend up to 25% of its total lobbying budget. Here is where it gets a little tricky. The 25% limit remains true whether or not an agency undertakes any direct lobbying. So, even if your agency can legally spend $100,000 in total lobbying but doesn’t spend any money on direct lobbying, you can only ever spend $25,000 on grassroots lobbying.
(Center for Non-Profits:http:// www.njnonprofits.org /NPsCanLobby.html).

Direct Lobbying–In general, organizations will not qualify under section 501(c)(3) status if a “substantial part” of its activities is lobbying. A 501(c)(3) organization may engage in some lobbying, but not too much (If you can figure what this means, please let us know).

Again, the primary difficulty with this regulation is that it doesn’t define “substantial part.” So, an agency that choses to operate under the “substantial part” test is is almost operating in the dark, taking a risk that the IRS will determine if it has crossed an undefined line. And the IRS aren’t the most forgiving of people—they don’t really care if you’re making the world a better place. There is an option, however, that stops you playing a game of chicken with the IRS.

The “H” Election–The 501(h) election, or ‘H Election’ mandates a series of specific limits on lobbying expenditures based on the Exempt Purpose Expenditures of an agency. These limits are measured as a percentage of an agencies total budget. No agency, regardless of its size, may spend more than $1,000,000 on lobbying. The limits are below in Table One.

TABLE 1

Lobbying nontaxable amount is≤ $500,000

Agency can spend  20% of the exempt purpose expenditures

If amount of exempt purpose expenditures is >$500,00 but ≤ $1,000,000
Agency can spend: $100,000 + 15% of the excess of exempt purpose expenditures over $500,000

If amount of exempt purpose expenditures is >$1,000,000 but ≤ $1,500,000
Agency can spend: $175,000 + 10% of the excess of exempt purpose expenditures over $1,000,000

If amount of exempt purpose expenditures is >$1,500,000 but ≤ $17,000,000
Agency can spend: $225,000 +5% of the exempt purpose expenditures over $1,500,000

If amount of exempt purpose expenditures is over >$17,000,000
Agency can spend: $1,000,000.00 of the exempt purpose expenditures.

(*Any amount a 501c3 spends to support it 501c3 status—does not include certain expenditures related to exempt purpose activities. These activities include some fundraising; some capital campaign work.)

So, there you go. Advocate away, do as much was you want. For lobbying, you can play chicken with the IRS, or chose the H Election and know what you can spend your money on and how much you can spend.

Advocacy = Development

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What does advocacy have to do with development? More importantly, how can your advocacy work help increase donations? Advocacy work is exciting!  It is mission driven and passion driven.  Advocacy work is the core of your work, and is why most of your supporters are involved.  It speaks from and to the heart.

You know too, that one of the most effective ways to see individual gifts increase is to get your donors involved in your work.  Volunteering at the front desk is great. Staffing an event registration table is important; however, I’ve never had volunteers rush up to me, with tears in  eyes, to thank me for letting them register guests H through K!  But teach you supporters and donors to advocate on your clients’ behalf, ask them to speak at a city council meeting or in front of a community group, organize a non-partisan candidate forum, or direct a letter writing campaign, and you’ll see support and passion you didn’t know existed.

Raising restricted funds for an advocacy/lobbying effort is a relatively easy sell.  You’re raising money for mission and for heart. You’re giving your supporters a strong voice speaking to the core of your work.  Get them involved and donations will follow.

Activists may say they don’t “have the money to make a gift.” Put together an online advocacy campaign.  Ask them to send an email to their legislator or city council.  According to the eNonprofit Bank Benchmark Study: Connecting an advocacy initiative with an on line ask can yield up to a seven-fold increase in giving.  Tie this email campaign to a social media campaign that allows supporters to participate in online discussions and you’ll see an even greater return.  Use social media to highlight an “activist of the week.”

You do advocacy everyday, even if you’re don’t call it advocacy.  You work incredibly hard to make your world a better place.  Bring others in to help you in your advocacy work; you will allow your supporter/donors to connect their hearts to your mission, and you will raise much needed money doing it!

For more information, call us at 562-618-0853

 

 

Why Is Advocacy Work So Important?

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Whether intentional or not, every time you act to improve the lives of your clients you are engaging in advocacy.  When you speak to a community group or the to the press about your work you’re engaging in advocacy.  When you meet with a potential funder or make the big “ask” at your annual gala, you’re engaging in advocacy.  Advocacy is the root of everything you do.  There is very little you do that doesn’t involve advocacy, but are you doing it in a thoughtful and deliberate way?

So, why isn’t every non-profit out in the community pushing advocacy agendas; especially now, when non-profits are more impacted by policy and legislation than at any other time?  There are a couple of primary reasons: 1) Because it’s rarely a part of non-profit training, folks aren’t very comfortable with advocacy. 2) Some non-profit professionals are afraid of it, or the board is afraid of it.  And, where does the fear come from?  A lot of us believe 501c3s are prohibited, by IRS tax codes, from engaging in formal advocacy.  Others are afraid of offending some supporters and losing donors.  Read more

Anti-Bullying Tips

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These days, there is a lot of discussion of bullying on the nation’s K-12 campuses.  Unfortunately, tragic suicides due to bullying continue.  In December, Ronin Shimizu, a 12 year old student, killed himself.  Ronin had been a cheerleader at his school; he didn’t fit a gender stereotype; he was a little different.  And because of his difference, the kids at school bullied him to death.

Below is a list of tips to help students (and parents) reduce bullying in their schools.

Anti-Bullying: Tips for Students

This checklist provides suggestions for what kids can do when bullying occurs – written for students being bullied, students who witness bullying and the bullies themselves.

IF YOU ARE BEING BULLIED…

Reach Out

Tell an adult. Sometimes you may have to tell more than one trusted adult.

Tell your parents. They cannot help  you if they do not know what’s happening.

YOU ARE NOT SNITCHING.  You are protecting yourself.

Ask your friends to help you.  Walk with a friend. There is safety in numbers.

Practice what to say the next time you’re bullied with your parents, teachers or friends.

Be Cool in the Moment

Stay calm and confident. Don’t show the bully that you’re sad or mad.

Ignore the bully and walk away.

Remember: Fighting back can make bullying worse.

Change the School Community

Work with others to stop bully behavior; your whole school will benefit.

Remember: A lot of kids have to cope with bullying. You are not alone. No one deserves to be bullied.

IF YOU WITNESS BULLYING

Interrupt It

Stand next to, or speak up for, the person being bullied.

Ask the bully to stop.

If it is safe, confront the bullying.  Tell them to stop.  Bullies are rarely confronted.  Keep your own safety in mind.

Comfort the person being bullied and offer friendship.

Get Help

Walk away and get help.

Find an adult who can intervene.

IF YOU ARE THE BULLY…

Make a Commitment to Change

Talk to an adult, like a teacher or parent, about how to get along with others.

Ask a friend to help you stop your bully behavior.

Apologize to the kids you have bullied.

Focus on Empathy and Responsibility

Think about what it feels like to be bullied — would you want to be treated that way?

Before you speak, think about whether your words will help or hurt another student.

Change Your Behavior

Resist peer pressure to bully.

If you start to bully, walk away and find something else to do.

Remember: You don’t have to like everyone around you, but you have to treat everyone with respect.

For information about our anti-bullying programs, please send us an email to kogrady@ogradysolutions.com.

LGBTQ Students: The Importance of Anti-bullying Training

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There is no question that LGBTQ youth or those students perceived to be LGBTQ are more likely to be bullied than any other group of students.

82% had problems with bullying during the previous school year.
 64% felt unsafe at school due to sexual orientation.
 44% felt unsafe at school due to gender identification. 
32% did not go to school for at least one day because of feeling unsafe.

American schools remain unsafe for LGBTQ students. What is not often discussed is the impact of this bullying once LGBTQ students leave high school. Because of the constant bullying, many LGBTQ kids drop out of school. Of those who stay in school, LGBTQ kids have lower average GPAs when they graduate. These students are accepted to colleges and universities at much lower rates than the general population.

As LGBTQ students drop out at higher rates and attend college at lower rates, their earning potential is lower. This lower earning potential means LGBTQ poverty rates match those of other oppressed minorities–the “Gay Dollar” is a myth. Those with lower incomes have less access to health care; mental health services and medical care. As a consequence, the LGBTQ community has higher rates of all chronic diseases; smoking; heart disease; breast cancer. The list goes on.

The impact of LGBTQ bullying has life long consequences, not just for individuals but for the entire LGBTQ population.

Schools with supportive, inclusive cultures and broad based anti-bullying programs have LGBTQ students who express a much higher level of safety and satisfaction than LGBTQ students in schools that offer no programming.

If you are interested in anti-bullying training or school culture improvement, please contact O’Grady Solutions kogrady@ogradysolutions.com or call 562.618.0853.